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Taking On The Readers: The End Of A Career & Gabrielle Schoeneweis
I've had some very thoughtful, and not so thoughtful, responses from readers to some recent posts that I'd like to share. The reason is you might not go back, or you might have missed the post, and lots of times the reader comments either make the post better, like the milk (skim) to the cookies (I'm the cookies, the comment is the milk in this hard-thought analogy), or just need to be addressed because the comment is so out there, it never should have been written out longhand and then typed up by the commenter's mother for us all to share.
I was fortunate to spend over an hour interviewing the wife of then-Mets, current Diamondbacks pitcher Scott Schoeneweis, Gabrielle, back in October. She was sweet, wonderful... Listen to her. It was so good, I had to break it into three parts. Here's Part I. Here's Part II. Here's Part III. And here's a comment from someone:
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Did you know that she was a stripper in TX, Las Vegas and Scottsdale club called Babes, and was while she was dating him?
She was also a crystal meth addict ... hardly a model mom and wife."
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I was surprised at it. Here is/was my response:
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But Did You Listen To The Interview?
She was extremely nice to me and, if you listen to the interview, was funny and charming and very candid. Would love to know where you get your info on the crystal meth addict accusation. Even if true, does that make alcoholics who don't drink anymore and have kids bad parents? Do the things we do in our lives before having children make us bad parents once the kiddies are born? If someone did pot or cocaine or overdosed on Starbucks before having children, does that mean they can never be good parents? They are destined to underachieve for the rest of their lives? George Steinbrenner, before his current state, wouldn't think so.
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A ballplayer marrying a stripper isn't really news. I believe Anna Benson was a stripper, but I don't see many guys getting mad at Kris for giving her a ring and going through the whole vows process. To many, removing your clothes publicly to Whitesnake tunes (I've got memories of Kelly, a "girl" in college who stripped to "In The Still Of The Night" to this day) is immoral. To others, and especially the girl doing it, it's a job. And in America, there's nothing wrong with earning a living. He who has not sinned should cast the first stone.
I hope I never cast the first stone. But I'm sure I have and will. That's just the way we are. See? Nobody's perfect. Even the stone-throwers.
I just thought of this. It's a valid question someone should ask me, even though I don't know the answer. Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? It's popular in kidnapping movies, where those being held captive begin to have feelings of friendship and empathy for their captors. The question for me, based upon how I'm sticking up for Gabrielle Schoeneweis would be this: "Jimmy, do you develop Stockholm Syndrome for every person you interview?"
I bet you $20 and an SUV to be named later that Mike Wallace never did.
We move on...
My post, System of a Downward Spiral: Dealing With The End, was re-published on Dugout Central. I got some very interesting responses there. Click here and read the thread.
I think the most interesting comment about ballplayers and their emotions at the end of their careers was this:
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I’m close to a guy who played nine and a half years in the majors and retired suddenly due to injury. In his career, he made close to 16 million dollars. In his first five years after retiring he had four or five jobs. We’ve had numerous conversations about normal things friends talk about with one of them being what the hell are you doing working with 16 million in the bank??
The adjustment was bigger for his wife and kids, actually. I understand as a former player myself (semi pro was as far as I got, but we still traveled alot) that routine is a big part of an athlete’s life. Getting ready for spring training, the grind of the season, coming down from the high of competing at the highest level for six months, then having to start all over again.
I understand that sometimes players find themselves in difficult situations after their careers are over. Situations that we normally find ourselves in. Bad investments, unscrupulous agents who steal them blind, etc. But my friend never had a car payment in his life. Seven years after retiring he still gets free meals in restaurants because of who he is.
And while it’s unfortunate what happened to Fidrych, the guy makes six figures a year signing autographs at card shows, so please tell me why I should feel sorry for him?
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I find it interesting how fans, with their egocentric narcisissm (we'll get to that in a moment), cannot step away from the fact that Major League Baseball players, at least those few who actually stayed in the bigs long enough to earn multi-year, multi-million dollar contracts, can be millionaires many times over. It's as if the money can mask any bad thing that ever happened, or will happen, to a baseball player.
What about actors & actresses? Don't you think John Travolta and Kelly Preston would give every dollar they have, and they are much richer than most baseball players, just to have their son back with them? Because they are so rich, does that mean they can be devastated by the loss of their son's life?
I was thinking the other day of what the "ultimate tragedies" were in a life. I came up with two: A parent losing a child and a child losing a parent.
I'm getting too dark for the weekend.
Anyway, I responded to "Chuck" and his criticism of ballplayers with this:
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You don’t need to feel sorry for them. I think it’s interesting to just understand what they go through. Putting paychecks aside, ballplayers, and ex-ballplayers, are human beings too, with hopes and dreams and expectations.
Let’s change the scenario. You’ve always loved Cindy Crawford and got to be her boyfriend for a couple of months. Then she dumps you. Won’t talk to you ever again. It’s completely over, she changed her number and email address; took your photo off her MySpace page. Most guys wouldn’t feel sorry for you because you had what they wanted, even if it was for a short time. But you… You’re the one who went through it and loved her and thought you were going to be together forever. Does that mean you, personally, can’t feel lost and hurt and depressed? It would be nice to just feel grateful, but it doesn’t really work that way, does it?
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I should mention that I used to love, with a capital L (let me re-type then: LOVE {look, I captitalized all the letters!}), Cindy Crawford. My response is somewhat dated, since she's no longer a supermodel, since she's in her early-40s, like me. But she still makes my engine run. Please don't tell Vanessa I wrote that. I don't want the engine to stall.
Coming up next, reaction to my Fan & Player Narcissim ditty.
today, while i was attending a conference on scottsdale foreclosures your blog was the topic in the smoking room. she is truly a lose to us all.
she was the best person i have ever met,my best friend,baby mama (kylie my daughter).for her to go the way she did was shocking but you never know what goes on behind close doors.i miss her so much ,i would give my life to hear her voice one more time-well got to go-michael porter
Hindsight is 20/20. A very true cliche. If Gabrielle hadn't died, I don't know if I would have even remembered this post (from January) even existed. The only reason I remembered is I looked and saw it was the top-rated page on this site. People wanted to get to the Gabrielle interview and were led here. Not to THIS and not as much to THIS, THIS or THIS. So people saw how I reprinted the comment by someone (since pulled on another page, as well as another comment that went up right after we found out Gabrielle had died.) on this page and now consider it a page written after her death. It pre-dates this tragic event by 5 months.
Two points. First, I did a bad job sticking up for her when the "meth" comment went up in the first place. Second, I thought with the section of this post that was attributed to Gabrielle, I had done a better job of sticking up for her than my initial defense. In re-reading it, I still didn't pay her proper justice. I apologize for that. I mentioned how sweet she had been and how gracious she'd been with her time. But I also virtually condoned the negative comment by asking the person where he/she got their information and going on about even if the comment was true, it didn't matter because she'd obviously put that behind her. I wasn't forceful enough in sticking up for someone who was there for me when I asked for her time.
Maybe I should have removed this whole page after Gabrielle died. Maybe I will in the near future. Does not doing so now mean I might still be condoning the bad guy and not learning my lesson. Please understand my intention is not to hurt feelings or write poorly of anyone or pass judgement. Yeah, I think no matter what, I look pretty bad here. But you know what? It's not about me. It's not about this one bad apple. It's about the folks here who have spoken out; her friends who have shown nothing but love and respect toward Gabrielle and her memory. Why don't I pull this whole page? Because while there are lies posted, I think it's just as important to see the lies shown the door by friends who loved Gabrielle Schoeneweis.
I can only hope to have friends as devoted as hers.
Marci - Great, great comment. I thought Gabrielle was a really wonderful person and didn't want to appear glib in my post above. Looking back, it looks like I should have stuck up for Gabrielle more than I did, even though, at the time, I thought I was sticking up for her. I think I failed her. She opened up to me, and to the readers/listeners of this site, and was nothing but honest and fun. I wish I had done a better job giving her the credit she deserves. You did a better job than me, and you are a true friend to her. I hope I have friends like you in my life. Thank you for your contribution here.
Oh, and rather than blow your request off, I'll respond to it this way. It doesn't make sense to take down the original comment anymore. I reprinted it above and if I were to take the comment down, then I'd have to remove it from above, then remove what you wrote, then remove what I wrote, and I think this dialog is more powerful than the comment disappearing in the first place. It's an untrue accusation, so let the person who made the comment feel outnumbered and low and cheap. Let the supporters of Gabrielle show her they're there for her.
Sincerely,
Jimmy
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