By Cassidy Dover: "Answering Questions"

Today I was with a good friend of mine.  Maybe I need to clarify.  This is a non-baseball friend.  Many, if not most, of my friends are non baseball.  I feel I need to differentiate this fact because perhaps you believe most of my friends are from the baseball community.  I do have my share of close friends who I turn to and I happen to have met them through the game of baseball.  However, here at home, most of my friends have absolutely no ties to the game.

So, my friend and I had left our kids at school.  She had her younger son with her and we decided to get a quick cup of coffee and then go to Target.  While we were at Starbucks I saw an acquaintance I hadn't seen since the end of last school year.  He was talking to someone so I waved and mouthed, "Hello."

This friend put his hand up to the person he was speaking with and said, "Cassidy.  Hi!  How's Ray doing?"

"Oh, he's actually pitching today" I replied.

"Is he starting?"

"Yep.  He is."

"I hope he does well.  Say hello for me!"

As we walked away my friend Molly said to me, "Doesn't that bug you? It would bug the cr*p out of me."

"What's that?" I asked her.  The exchange is such common place for me I hardly think anything of it.

"If I had to answer about what was going on with my husband each and every day I would go crazy.  Especially since all that information is easily available on the Internet."

I laughed.  "I guess I don't think about it.  It's a way for people to quickly make small talk with me."

"I'd rather they ask you about Sheridan," Molly said.

"Yeah, that would be a long, in-depth answer.  With questions concerning Ray, I guess they know it won't be unless they push the conversation," I told her.

"Still, I'd be sick of it if I were you."

I thought about it.  It's true, all the information anyone could want about Ray is available online.

Usually, if Ray is in AAA people don't ask.  It is close to the expansion of the rosters so maybe that was where the question was going.  Rather than ask the awkward question if he'd been called up yet, maybe this acquaintance believed by asking how he was I'd tell him.  Who knows.

What does get on my nerves is how people who Ray and I have known forever never ask about him in the minors yet as soon as he's called up, everyone wants to know us. 

I've talked to other wives about this as well. 

For some, when their husband is in the minor leagues their families will rarely call.  They may check in with the husband on occasion, but it's not a daily occurrence.  However, as soon as that call up takes place, the phone begins to ring.

Many people don't realize or don't care to realize that players in the big leagues are charged for tickets.  Yep, not one single ticket we get is free.  Ray must pay for my seat, Sheridan's seat, his mom and dad's seat as well as that friend of a friend from college who just wanted to catch a game because they are in town for the night. 

Not only does the phone start to ring because of wanting tickets, but the emails and posts on other sites begin.  Everyone wants to know Ray or have some degree of separation from him when he's up in the Bigs. 

I get frustrated by that because honestly, Ray is Ray no matter where he is on a given day. The main change for us is either in our insurance coverage (but after one day in the big leagues each season we get that big league coverage which is awesome) or our pay check amount. 

I stand by Ray whether he's in AAA, in the big leagues, or when he's rehabbing an injury (OK we all know that I may have struggled with that but I get to write my own history here, so allow me to say that, OK?).   When this career is over, I'll still be standing by his side.  He'll still be a good husband and fantastic father. 

Our relationship isn't altered by where Ray is playing.  It shouldn't be.  Some of the stress of how others want to know him and be a part of his life can affect us, but each day Ray is Ray and when he's home he's taking out the garbage and walking the dog.  End of story.

I hadn't really thought much about it until Molly brought it up today.  Molly doesn't see Ray as a ballplayer.  She doesn't see his job as glamorous.  She always says she couldn't take the ups and downs and the never knowing where we are going to be on a daily basis. 

Today, after a fun day together and after school taking the kids to play I got a call telling me Ray had a great game.  "It must be hard not to be with him when he's doing well" she said after I hung up the phone.

"Not really.  He's going out with some friends from college and I'm sure he'll celebrate with the guys on his team tonight," I told her.

At the end of the night, it wasn't hard not being with him.  The hard part is that each year has chipped a way a bit of my love of the game.  As I've said before, the Game is the mistress I'll never compare to.  On nights when Ray's been awesome, and everyone else is on board with it, the Mistress has won.  She has him in Her arms.  Sheridan and I are at home in our beds and Ray is gone the same as he was before Ray's performance.

So see, please don't stop asking me how Ray is doing.  Just know that how he's doing and where he's doing it isn't the story I'd love to share.  I'd love to share the person that he is and how much his being away hurts his family. I'd love to tell you how his computer won't pick up the Internet at his current hotel and so Sheridan hasn't been able to go on Skype to see her dad.  I'd love to share how Ray tried to make it for the free breakfast but when he got downstairs he realized the hotel where they were staying in this city didn't offer breakfast so he had gotten up early for nothing.  Better yet, maybe I'd tell you about how his paycheck that he overnights to me so I can deposit it and make sure our bills are covered got lost and we needed to ask the team to reissue the check. Then the original showed up but was no longer any good so we had to wait 5 days to get his pay and stress about those bills
clearing.  You get the picture.

That's information you can't get on the Internet about him.  But don't worry, just like the person who asks, "How are you" in passing and only wants the response, "I'm great", I won't change the rules of our conversation.  I'll keep answering the questions you ask me and keeping the other stories to myself.

Thanks for reading,
Cassidy

Cassidy Dover has been a baseball wife for more than 10 years.  Her husband Ray, currently in the minor leagues, has spent part of 7 seaons in The Show.  To read more of her columns, just click HERE.  Cassidy lives somewhere in America with her daughter Sheridan.  Right now, they're probably waiting for Ray to come home.