By Cassidy Dover: "Happy Anniversary"
This morning Ray, Sheridan and I went out for breakfast. We have a place we love to go and eat. We're regulars, sort of like we are three Norms from Cheers. It's a great cafe we love to eat at.
Anyway, last night Ray and some of the guys had gotten together to go out for a nice meal and catch up. He got home late, I was sleeping, and although I tried to ask about the evening at 1 am I wasn't awake enough to know what he told me. Over breakfast I asked who all had gone to dinner. He was mentioning some of the guys who were there. As I asked about each guy who was missing, he told me the reason that person didn't attend.
We got to one guy and he said, "Oh it was his anniversary last night. Apparently you have to spend your entire anniversary day and night with your wife."
"Really?" I said. "I don't think we've spent any anniversary together except for our first one. That one we went on a cruise together. Besides that you've either been at school, working, or at winter ball."
Sheridan got really upset at this point. She stood up and wanted to step on her dad's toe. "That's not nice dad. Why don't you want to spend the day with mom?" she asked.
"I'm sorry. I have to work. Hopefully this year we'll be together," Ray responded.
"I won't count on it," I said. "Last year you left a few days before our anniversary even though you had said you wouldn't be going to winter ball." I really wasn't upset by it. Just stating a fact.
Now I know there are two school of thought when it comes to the anniversary. Some people celebrate it like it's a grand day in their year. I respect that. In our family, that's not how it's done. See, at our wedding, we did this dance to see who received my bouquet. What we did was ask every married couple to get up and dance together. Then the couples married the least amount of time sat down. We started with those married one year, then went to five years, ten and so on. We kept doing this until we were at couples married for over 60 years. We had two of them at our wedding! To pay tribute to them we asked their advice on what kept them together all those years. My grandpa said, in his usual manner, "You just keep living, that's all there is to it."
In other words, you marry for life.
I've touched on this before; Ray and I subscribe to that idea. Our marriage is a covenant. As upset and angry as we get, there's no walking away. It's too important for us to not work on things and to make it work. Along those lines, our anniversary while nice to remember, isn't a paramount day in our year. We've begun to celebrate the day we got engaged. Every year, on that day, Ray will call me and remind me (and I do know when it is on my own). That's the day we committed to one another for ever. It's also a day during the season and we have a much better chance of spending it together. It's sort of like the kid in school whose birthday is in the summer so they celebrate at their half birthday. They know their friends will be around and available. That could be where our tradition of celebrating our engagement day came into play. That way my feelings weren't hurt when we we saw we weren't spending our anniversary together. Could be. However it came to pass, it is what it is.
Our day today went by with the usual running from place to place. We hardly had a chance to relax. After Sheridan's karate class we went to dinner with her closest girlfriend from the karate school and her family. While we were there the mom (who is divorced) said to Ray, "You probably think I have an imaginary boyfriend."
I had to laugh. "Well I usually have an imaginary husband most months of the year, so Ray
will cut you some slack!" I told her.
See, the sad truth of the matter is that many of my dearest friends and family rarely get to see or meet Ray. He's often gone with baseball. At our wedding I literally had two bridesmaids who walked up to him before the ceremony started and said, "Ray, nice to meet you finally!"
Again, it is what it is.
So this morning, when I asked Ray, "Did his wife tell him that he had to spend the entire day with her or did you all say that?" his reply was, "That's what all the other guys told me."
"How long have they been married?" I asked.
"Two or three years I think" he said.
"Well that explains it. I bet that will change."
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe in the parallel universe to the world of baseball - where you celebrate holidays and anniversaries when you can be together rather than on the calendar day they occurred because you can't control when you are physically together - maybe in that world, wives really do expect their husband to be there on their anniversary. I'm remaining hopeful that this is our year. I'll let you know if I wake up on my anniversary and Ray is by my side. Who knows, if he's in the country, maybe we'll go spend the day with his buddies. Maybe I'll be upset if he does. After all, it will be my day and my husband won't have to be imaginary!
Yes, I have decided, if he's home this year I want him to myself all day. I want to cherish our day together. I bet Ray will want to, also. That way Sheridan won't feel the need to put on her boots and step on his toes.
Thanks for reading!
Cassidy Dover has been a baseball wife for more than 10 years. Her husband Ray, currently in the minor leagues, has spent part of 7 seaons in The Show. Cassidy lives somewhere in America with her daughter Sheridan. Right now, they're probably waiting for Ray to come home.