A Quickie On Thanksgiving

AT the start, I need to clarify two things.  First, the word "at," which you see at the beginning of the last sentence, is fully capitalized because I wanted to give this post (as opposed to "poast," which directly relates to turkey 'cause it's spelt like "roast") a retro/New York Times kind of feel.  Imagine if bloggers blogged in 1834.  They probably would have done so in their own excrement because it seems like sewer systems for low level humans weren't very available in those days.  Hence, very few bloggers. (Quick aside: Would a blogger in 1834 been a Mac guy or a PC guy?  Explain.)

"Jimmy," you say, licking gravy off of your paw, "you only clarified one thang.  You said there were two.  Don't let us down (again)."

Well, I respond casually, wishbone in my pants pocket (don't read into that), I won't axe you to clarify if the word "again" in your sentence was stated or merely thought.  I mean, you put it into parenthesis, like this - (again) - and...

"Jimmy, don't treat us like jerks.  We can do that ourselves."

Fine.  My point was...

"Jimmy.  C'mon."

Whatever.  I'll skip your personal irrelevancies and focus on me, which I am best at.  Just query my wife, who just recently understood why I insisted on Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself" to be played as the soundtrack to our first dance as man & wife at our wedding.  (All right, maybe she figured it out a little longer ago than "recently.")

"My God, Jimmy, you are just rambling, rambling...  What the hell is your point?  Reading you sometimes is like taking the SATs in braille for people who don't know sign language.  Know what I'm sayin'?"

No.  But I owe you a #2 from way up top.  The second clarification I need to make before I begin with my Quickie On Thanksgiving is about the word "on" in the title of this column.  I believe it is unclear.  "A Quickie On Thanksgiving."  Do I mean this was written "on" Thanksgiving itself?  Clearly, for those of you reading this the day before Thanksgiving (and at last count, the number was in the low hundreds of thousands), that cannot be the case.  Thus, "A Quickie On Thanksgiving" must be about Thanksgiving itself, i.e. "A Quickie About Thanksgiving."  Right?

I won't give you the answer because I want to leave some room for you, the reader, to decide for yourself.  This is America, after all (unless you're reading this in Canada or Lithuania, and, no joke, there are lots of Jimmy Scott's H8igh & Tight fans there).  Make your own decisions.  Then make your bed.  It's a mess.

"The aforementioned 'Quickie,' Jimmy," you admonish, wagging your tail and hoping for scraps, "maybe now would be a good time to get into that, before it becomes a Quickie "On" Christmas, your rambling braggart."

The names.  Always with the names.  I will continue and ignore you and your little reindeer games.

The quickie I want to state is merely thank you.  Thank you for reading this far today (whatever day this is for you).  Thank you for visiting this site, which is better than THIS SITE.  Thank you for liking me.  If you dislike me, thank you for feeling emotion.  If you are a zombie who feels nothing, thank you for not eating my brain.

That's it.  I could go on, and probably should, but what would the point be?  I've really already passed beyond the outer edges of the definition of the word "Quickie" in the sense that this was supposed to be a short little ditty before a large American holiday (sorry, Lithuania).  But, technically, if "Quickie" referred to my topic, the quickie was really only a paragraph long (which is the paragraph before this one).  The rest was just frivilous frivolity; a small, wrapped chocolate you found on your pillow before you got to bed at night.  Which brings us to another definition of "Quickie," the sexual kind.  I hope, this Thanksgiving, you get to have a quickie.  And a long one.  And a few others in between.  Seriously.  I'd be thankful for some of that action.

Let me know how it turns out.

Happy Spanksgiving,

Jimmy Scott