By Cassidy Dover: Privacy
I was reading the articles on Tiger Woods and his accident and became really upset for him and his family. Not only did he have a car accident, but the media started to sling "information" about his private life everywhere. Then I read comments on a Yahoo article that said "If he wants to be elite then he owes it to his fans to make a statement about what happened. He isn't allowed to hide behind 'it's a private matter' crap."
Excuse me?! Who the heck does that person believe he is to be due something from any other human being in America or in the world?! This is a hot button with me. I know, I know. I have quite a few. I'm quite like an elephant and I rarely forget anything that is said or written about my family. If Ray and I have an argument you can be sure that anything that pertains to the argument at all from the past 15 years is brought out.
(An aside here, this is a very bad tactic for any marriage and a horribly unfair argument strategy. The past should remain in the past. You should discuss the issues of the moment. I am somewhat unable to do this and so please do not follow my example but rather heed my words on this subject.)
OK, back to why do people believe they have a right to know things about athletes (or movies stars, or rock stars or whomever) and their private lives. It truly baffles me. I write these entries to you all and I'm somewhat at a loss as to who is reading and why they would be interested in my life. As I've said time and time again, my life is so common to each of yours, I would think it rather mundane and boring.
I can tell you all about our night out to dinner with some good friends. We went to a super fun restaurant. We laughed for hours as we exchanged stories about the husband's life as a pilot and the things he sees. His wife and I shared common stories of raising our kids and taking care of our home and animals with our husbands missing so often. We commented on how much we could related to each other and how normal our lives are.
I could write you all about the hunt I've been under to find tickets for the holidays. Could someone explain to me why the airlines want $450+ for seats I've paid less than $250 for any other time of the year? Why does it take me literally hours of checking sites, checking for one way vs. round trip vs. changing dates and times to find a reasonable rate? Does it surprise you that I search for deals just like you do? Is it surprising that I can't stand to pay too much for something and that I will spend the time to save $50/person? It shouldn't. Our family is just like yours.
I could share the craziness of trying to pin down what Sheridan wants to buy for her grandparents for the holidays. We have a theme each year and then we must go shopping to find just the right gifts. Last year we had slippers as our gift. You'd think slippers are easy to find. They're not. Many are plain and ugly. Sheridan may be young but she has a strong sense of what she likes and wants to get each person. So we give her a price limit and we
start to search for the gifts. This year she chose PJ's. How do you choose PJ's for thirty year old uncles and how do you convince a six year old girl that her twenty year old aunt won't love Hello Kitty pajamas with quite the same passion as she does? Not an easy task. Then to get all the pajamas for everyone for under $100 (we have seven people to buy for) is not easy even with Black Friday sales and online free shipping. We managed to come in at $107 with $89 worth of savings! I was glad to teach Sheridan about tax and explain why I would give her the extra $7 for the gifts.
Again, this is my private life. I share it freely.
Now I don't invite you into the arguments that Ray and I have over everything. If there is a lesson to share or a story worthy of a laugh or two at his expense, I'll tell it. But I'm sure you all realize that the really big stuff is there. I just don't tell you.
Now let's say that I share enough information for you to speculate. I have a right to not share more than I want to share with you all. If you were to tell me a story and fall short on some details, I would not feel you had to divulge more to me than you wanted to share. I've watched many episodes of 7Th Heaven (yes, wholesome TV) and I'm often shocked at how the mom and dad are willing to allow their family to keep so many details of their situations to themselves. They will say that when someone wants to share, they will.
That doesn't fly in my home. I want all the details of everything from Ray and Sheridan. I demand it (again, not the best example but the truth so don't always do this as it can cause resentment and other issues) to the point of sometimes crossing boundaries that after the fact I realize I shouldn't have crossed. But with friends and extended family, I will accept what they want to share. I won't push (too far). I'll say, "If you want to talk later I'm here."
Now someone I don't know?! Yes, I may want to know more about the ins and outs of Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt's break up some years back or Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. I'll pick up the magazines at the check out line and read them and gossip with friends about what I've read. But do I think these people owe me something? No way! Just as I can be curious for more about your life, these celebrities have a right to their own life in private.
So I guess my tale here is that sometimes the media reports more than the facts of a story when it comes to those in who live in the public eye. Sometimes they speculate or they try to make two points connect in a solid line that truly have no connection. I'm asking you all to please step back and allow these "celebrities" to have their issues, their faults, and their secrets just as you'd ask from those who know you.
Ray and I live on the fringe so there have only been a few times when our private lives have become public fodder. Those few times have left me feeling angry and violated. I promise to continue to share the ins and outs of our lives with you all in this forum. I ask you all to ask "what if it were me in this situation" before you think anyone, celebrity ,family or friend, owes you more information as a means to satisfy your own morbid curiosity. I often have to stop myself, too. I'm very curious. It's just in the end, it doesn't really matter as much to me as it may to that public person who is trying to live his life privately.
Thanks for reading,
Cassidy Dover has been a baseball wife for more than 10 years. Her husband Ray, currently in the minor leagues, has spent part of 7 seaons in The Show. Cassidy lives somewhere in America with her daughter Sheridan. Right now, they're probably waiting for Ray to come home.